Lies
by kaworu nagisa
Summary: But no matter how many times I lie to myself, I cannot forget the truth.  All his words to me were lies.  And for that, I will never be able to forgive him. *Runner up for Best Angst on the Madrigal Awards*


**Hello everyone! :)**

**I just had to write this. Had to.**

**Amy's POV.**

_Lies_

_By xoxoisabelle_

All his words to me were lies.

It is because of this that I know I will never, ever get over the fact that he betrayed me – no matter what he does to redeem himself in the future. I cannot imagine ever trusting him again – not to mention his younger sister. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. The fool I was to ever, ever trust him, the scheming, lying Lucian that he is. Maybe it was his good looks? His suaveness? Whatever it was, it took me in and engulfed me whole, and I was foolish for succumbing to his bitter charms.

The vivid, vivid images of him leaving us there in the cave, the curve of his smirk as he raised the coin for me to see. How I seethed in anger, cursing myself for having returned it to him. I was stupid. Ridiculous, really. How could I have ever thought that he would repent? He betrayed me. And I will never forgive him.

And recalling that moment of passion we shared in the cave – the kiss, that soft, sweet, chaste kiss – the brush of his lips against mine lighter than the wings of a butterfly. How it sent shivers through me, how it awoke something in me I never felt before – the stirrings of love, passion, desire. Then he pulled back, and his eyes gazed into the depths of me. They say the eyes are windows to the soul – and in that case, I have seen his soul, and he has seen mine. And if I had seen his soul, I should have seen that he was lying, all of it, just a pack of empty promises. Simply lies.

I should have listened to Dan. He was not good news. I shouldn't have trusted him. I shouldn't have opened up to him. I shouldn't have given him my heart – only to let him toss it back at me, and to see it bounce off the floor in shards. I shouldn't have loved him – and now how I regret it. He never loved me – or if love is too strong a word – liked me. He never felt anything. I was just another piece of his plan, another pawn that was to be sacrificed to checkmate the king.

And while I was the pawn, the insignificant little chess piece, he was the master, the one controlling the game. No, he was not the master – he was the knight, the lancer, the one who went around consuming the innocent, defenceless pawns. His mother was the ruthless queen who was the most powerful one in the game. His sister was the rook, the one who tried to follow the queen everywhere but couldn't. They planned the game, so, so well, and it was not till he betrayed me that I realised that they had planned my downfall as well.

However, despite never being able to get over the fact that he was a traitor, I will never get over him either, not really. Maybe because he was there from the start, playing such an important part in my life. The puppet master. And I was the puppet, dangling helpless from strings as he used me as a tool to achieve his goals.

But was I any better? Our goals were the same – the Clues. I would have been willing to betray him if I were like him, and he were like me. I would have been glad to make use of poor, defenceless Ian Kabra. I would have been no better to him than he was to me. If he were simply an insignificant little pawn, and I were the chess master, I would have sacrificed him to checkmate the king. If he were my puppet, and I the puppet master, I would have used him as well to achieve my goals.

And our goals were the same.

So I managed to convince myself that I was better than him, that I would never betray, make use of, or take advantage of anything or anybody I had under my control. I was better than him. I was not that cruel, ruthless, or scheming. I would never leave anyone in the lurch, I would never plot their deaths, I would never do anything that he had ever done to me. That was how I managed to survive, convincing myself that I was no him. I was no Ian Kabra.

But they were all lies.

And so, even though I can never forgive him for betraying me, for lying to me, I will never get over him, really. He may have lied, but I had too. We were so similar, but I refused to believe it. I forced myself into the delusion that he was a liar, and that I would never be like him. Never. Not once in my life.

Because all my thoughts about him were negative, I tried to focus on his good points, given that we were so similar. For one, he cared for his sister. He actually had a heart. I tried thinking that he was good, rather than bad. I tried very, very hard. I lied to myself, countless times. _Everybody deserves a second chance,_ I thought. _So does he. He's just another human being, driven by greed._

But no matter how many times I lie to myself, I cannot forget the truth.

All his words to me were lies.

And for that, I will never be able to forgive him.

**So. I don't know if you liked that, but I was trying to show a darker side of Amy that I interpreted from the books. She was always talking about how Ian betrayed her, but never paused to consider their similarities. So in this oneshot, I tried to focus on the conflicting emotions Amy would have about Ian.**

**Please review.**


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